Sadness

Shinigami mode:

Two years... Time flies, did you know that? I do not know what you will say, but, I have dedicated two different forms of writing to you, both of which scored average marks in school. 23/30 and 25/30. What you think about it?

Two years... Fast, too fast. That toy is still with me, you know? It accompanies me each night when I go to sleep, together with the toy that you bought for me when I was a baby. Funny, don't you think? That no one believes me when I tell them that I go to sleep with these things. By the first note, they jeer at me, for being so childish. Yet, hiding all signs of sadness, I continue on to tell them that these were bought by you. Only my vice-chair seemed shocked, the other, practically thinks I'm just joking away. Alright, I will let you memories rest in peace now.

I do not understand, really, why I am suffering so much. Something in me just keep urging on, making ridiculous and crazy commands, requesting and asking for weird things. Asking for what purpose you ask. Well, it's two weeks more to my birthday, hence the crazy requests.

Two weeks... Why does my life revolve around this number two?

Yet, I have no wish to grow up at all.

Sigh... Birthday presents... And that's what you people want to know. Fine, here is a list of what I want:
1) Full Metal Alchemist items (eg: Guidebook, HK version)
2) Choker (black)
3) A trenchcoat. Sleeveless
4) A mini-sewing machine
5) My-own-design dress
6) Pocket watch
7) Lolita black trench-coat-like dress
8) Ouroboros necklace
9) An ending to this year

Funny list, you say. I know, seriously, that it's very funny. But do you see my motive behind? No... As usual, you are too blind to see it. Never mind then...

Strange, don't you think, how after seeing death can change a person's view entirely. Very strange. So strange that death can make me see that I hate some people so much I'm already cursing unintentionally.

I need a life. Seriously.

But for now, I will just cry... softly.

Act

Nanashi mode:

Here I am once more, putting up my false act in front of others. Seriously, I do no know how come I can continue with this, for one, the effort alone is already wearing out, with Shinigami avoiding others so deliberately nowadays. What wrong with her, I do not know as well. Whatever that is biting her is seriously ruffling her up more than any incidents added up altogether.

I need to get out. Fast.

Ironic, really, as to how I was able to live so normally and face everyone with the same bright cheery face each day back in the past, yet, I can only hide in a shell of supeficialness.

I'm so useless... Don't you think so?

Looking back into the past, I cannot help but ask myself time and time again: Why am I looking back? There is no way for the past to repeat itself again. Not now, not forever. Can't I see the point in it at all?

Yet, as I truly remember all the past, I feel the bitterness of it all once more.

The bitterness of unfairness.

Recently, I have met a few of my old schoolmates, all on the way home. Unlike others, who can continue on a conversation for a long long time, I can only merely smile, looking for no conversation to begin.

Did you see that in me when I boarded the bus and you alighted? Or did you think you saw the old me? Can you see that my heart is drowning in despair, wanting to reach out to you who is so far away? Everytime when others speak of liking someone, loving them so deeply and such, I can merely sit and smile, pretending to be absorbing what they are saying with interest.

How long have we last talked, face to face, truly with no boundaries? Four years, that's how long it has been, haven't you notice? Though you exist in my memories, exist in my life now, there is nothing I can do but to block out that memory. You and I both know that weare simply too busy with our own lives to do anything about it.

But do others know about this or even care about this? No... Why should they and how should they? They are merely living in their own world, aren't they? So much so that no one really cares about what I feel at all when I am merely around them all this while.

To this certain person: I hope you get your dreams.
To a certain person who truly allow me to hug: There is so much on my mind that no one understands. Can you see the pain that I am feeling?
To the certain person who creates: Why did you do it?
To those people around me: Do you even think I can call you friends with what you have done?

Future

Destiny mode:

Two weeks more and counting down... That's how long till the start of the end. Fast, if you ask me, but still, there's are things undone.

Just how am I supposed to get it done when there's so much thoughts and so little time left?

One thing is for sure, I need to get this body working, whether the others like it or not. I can't predict the future for long you know... I've used up the power to create a shell instead. For what use, why should I tell you?

I have only one phrase to say: Get working!

Mischief

Aires mode:

Friday the thirteen. Hah! I bet everyone is superstitious about today, aren't they? Well well well... Humans are really bored aren't they? Coming up with superstitions and trusting them entirely. Funny, don't you think, that humans are always the ones who are scaring themselves to death.

And they said ghosts were scary. Though I must admit, they are indeed, those that we know nothing off. But still...

This is ridiculous, humans scaring themselves silly.

Don't you think so?

Wish

Tenshi mode:

Four years... Fours years ago and four years in the present. Now, I have to reask myself what my motive is this time. What my wish is...

My wish? To get on with life same as I did four years back.

Stupid really... As if it matters as to live for years to come.

I don't know, given the circumstances now, whether I should continue living. Maybe being dead like fifteen years ago would be much better than to stand here and face the world and reality.

Sigh... It's tiring being alive... Seeing other so joyful only make 'us' tired...

But oh well, since 'we' are all alive now, 'we' might as well make our time worth it. Don't you think so?

Lastly... my wish... is simply... ..., so I hope that's what you people will acheive.

Can't hear it because your music is on too loud? Ah well...

Past

Nanashi mode:

The cool breeze ruffled through gently, whispering mischeiviously as I walked through the crowded streets. Seriously, if looks cost, I would have been able to garner a few hundred dollars simply by walking down the streets in my clothes. Not that I feel very comfortable wearing it, but just plainly because I was lazy to change out it, hence, that was where I was, trudging along the streets, taken as a substitute for someone who had no date that day.

Seriously, I don't mind.

Throughout the year with everyone else, I have learnt to see far beyond into the future than just merely dwelling on the past. Yet, even as I look forward to the future, I can't help but turn back and stayed in the past. Though pictures of the past are fading away slowly but surely, something about it had me holding on firmly, ignoring all forms of logic that came with it.

I...live in the past, and hence, love the past.

I remembered the days when the same gentle breeze blew along, bringing soft scents of frangrance from the flowers and fruits. I remembered the days when the sky turned dark, flashes of lightning ahead, bringing on nothing but pure magnificient view as the clouds formed into shapes of tornados. I remembered the days when nothing except pure sadness could be felt, and yet, ther's was always a corner there for you to rely on, more often than none, a shoulder to cry on as well. I remembered...

Beautiful memories that will never come true...

I looked around me as I walked, looked at the world around me, looked at the person that I was accompanying...and sighed...Can I really call this person beside me my friend? Can I really trust this person with even my life? Though it is sad to admit, I must say, I...cannot.

Sometimes, I really wonder where 'we' are all floating to. Past that held our existence seemed to have faded away just as time itself, thus, showing reality that there no such thing as 'us'. Friends that we know in the past, though maintaining on their usual composure towards 'us', seemed only to worsen 'our' feelings within. As I looked on to the jokes and talks among people, I ask myself, why aren't you talking to them? Thus, I willed myself to speak, yet, all that I speak of, turns onto deaf ears. Though it hurts me to even bottle up everything inside, there's nothing more for me to even say about if no one is willing talk. Hence, I would rather keep to myself, rather shut up and start talking to Shinigami and the rest. However...how long am I suppose to keep this up while at the same time keep my sanity? I seriously doubt how I am suppose to even get through this year, let alone live...

There are times, when people tell me to speak, and those are the times which I am more often ruffled up instead. I don't blame them for feeling that I'm stuck-up and such, but it irks me to think that I am merely asked to speak, so as to contribute to what others are too lazy to even think about of. If the only use that I am is for the sake of people gaining from me, and me gaining nothing from them, then may I ask, what use am I being alive? People who call themselves my friends, ask yourself deep inside, each time you face me, are you truly speaking from your heart, hoping to have a conversation with me, or are you merely avioding and hoping that I get lost soon? If your choice is the second one, I rather that you step up and tell me in the face.

I, do not mind being a substitute for others, do not mind that you need my help for things, do not mind almost anything at all, if only you ask from the bottom of your heart. But no one does that nowadays, which is a sad and pathetic thing. In that case, which stance am I suppose to pick up now? The ever-ready subtituition for others, or the cold and emotionless being who doesn't care less?

I don't mind being an anti-social being, for I'm already living that way.

You people made me who I am...

It doesn't matter anymore...

Silence

Shinigami mode:

Silence. Darkness. Throughout the entire journey, I saw nothing more than pure blackness and pure peace. An irony really, for my life is really filled with nothing more than anger, anguish and fear.

Yes, I fear. I fear greatly.

It's an irony really, as to what the mind thinks, the mind sees, and the mind feels all contradict one another. A pity though, for I would have liked it if I wasn't so wishy-washy about things. Maybe I should have took control of every single situation, making my firm stand about it, but no... I allowed Yulia and Nanashi to take over most of the time, choosing to stay in the dark, hiding, running away, escaping...

Drowning myself in the face of reality in my own thoughts.

I told myself before, that I would never try to kill, though in my blood, the blood of a killer runs deep. I never truly understand though, why I had made myself promise to myself that I will never kill, no matter how much I really wish for the person to be dead. Of all the things that I could remember, the only reason as to why I never wanted to kill was: 'Someone would be sad over the death.'

Pathetic... I don't see anyone being sad about my death.

Ironic isn't it, that I came out with such a reason for not killing, while no one really followed that kind of reasoning on me. What am I really, you ask. A substitute. A comfort zone. A glass component.

I never truly exist in the eyes of human.

The only use that I have, is for humans to make use of me. Yet, even though it bothered me, the rest, being soft-hearted idiots, didn't even care. To them, forgiving is always the case, but to me, hatred runs deep within my veins, swarming me with age-long rememberance of the matter.

I can never forgive. Not now, not forever.

Turmoil

Yulia Edenburgh mode:

Hair dripping wet from my bath, I sat down by the computer, listening to the looped song 'Rewrite'. Pity, since there's no other song that is able to fit with how I'm feeling now. The room, being in an even untidier mess than it was before, still laid untouched, even I don't even know when I'm going to clear it. Least it doesn't matter what state it's in any way. Smoke arising, swirling in neat white circles, the lit object stayed where it was, as I flung my head back against the computer chair and wondered.

Wondered where the hell I am and who the hell I am.

Recounting all incidents that had happened so far from the start of secondary school, it makes me wonder just what destiny is playing around with me. Throughout my life, how many times have I brushed with the school rules and Death? How near could I get to the Law as well? How near am I really to even standing up to the school? Funny though, how I'm viewed by people so weirdly throughout all these years. All these four years to be exact.

I hate this.

It hurts to even think about where I'm drifting from and drifting to into the future, so much so I have given up on it. Nanashi wanted comfort though, even when all of us; me, Shinigami, Tenshi and Nanashi Shinigami, all decided that we would rather keep it bottled to ourselves. Great action though, thanks to Nanashi, now people in the school may start thinking that 'we' aim for people of the same gender. Heck...I'm straight, and so is the rest, though what goes on on their minds amuses me sometimes too.

Man, am I weak indeed...

One more chance. I have decided to put all my bet on this last chance. Though what outcome may occur, I am not sure, but Nanashi and I decided that it would be best if we gave them a chance. The Fuhrer isn't the highest rank you know, it's the people who are of the bottom rank which are the highest. Only time will tell, I guess, though how long a time, I have no idea.

No idea at all...

Though something tells me truly...

I would not like this ending afterall...

Cold...

Roy Maxwell mode:

The water dripped from the ceiling, so noisily that I awoke, grouchy and reluctant.

'Great...It's Monday morinng, and it's raining. What next? I have to get my ass to school and go through it till god knows what time.'

Ah well, thank god I had set two alarm. Seemingly, my watch fell asleep somehow and didn't ring. The caribiner watch didn't, thankfully. Guess I should go buy a clock for myself some day... Exactly when, I don't know, so don't ask me.

After dragging myself out of bed and freshened up, I trudged to the kitchen, only to find that there's no milk. 'Hey... This ain't funny you know...' Ah, well... That's bread and plain water for my breakfast.

Hence, I went to school, water still dripping wetly from all directions. Potted plants were blown in a disarray, though it didn't bother me at all. They weren't mine to start with.

Nothing interesting seems to go on in school though, ironically, even though I am surrounded with more people. Bleah... Guess keeping to myself is still the best... One amusing thing though... The Physics teacher suddenly went 'mad' issuing commands for various weird items. I didn't mind though, not that I had everything. The only thing was, that I was sitting near the back, playing fake still works as seen from her angle.

Thus, that's how I got past the school hours. The official school hours. Off to lunch, though that took ten minutes before we decided on where to eat at. Went there, eat, and off we go, amusing ourselves with interesting topics on 'airports', as well as a minor squeak from a certain person when a car came.

Funny. Really funny.

Got back to school and began to do the various stretching for the fitness test. Lame components seriously, wish someone would go say it's wasting time, but of course, no one does. At least, till now. Off to five stupid stations we go, interesting events happening along the way between us, and the teachers. Amusing, as usual.

Shuttle run. Interestingly interesting. Went to the only male teacher, because he was the best in giving the timing. Just like what one of the teachers in charge of othe tests had previously said, encouragements are needed. Hence, the encouragements are as followed:

"Shao Wei is coming!! Quick!! You can't catch him with this speed you know!"
"There's a dog behind you! Run!! It's catching up!"
"Your brother is chasing you from behind! He's gaining up! Ahhh!!!"
"If you can run within ten seconds, I will sponsor you money to open a store."
"There's a car behind you! Run faster!"

Though whether or not these made us run faster, I had no idea, though the last one was a complete failure. Yet, at least these provided the teachers with some entertainment, it still worked...as a form of amusement.

I rest my case, for now.